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I’ve always wondered and will likely die trying to figure out the reason I am so very overly protective of this heart that I so freely give. I dare to share, yet spin around in my head about the fact that I care. Cautious of the boundaries I set and whether they are being crossed. Sometime allowing a breech. Only to check the minds of those daring me to wield my sword. I mustn't be careless either which way. Diligent. Intuitive. Guidance from within. Adhering to self control and heeding the calls of action.

I am the Queen of Swords.

And I carry a cup bearing my emotions. I drink from this cup throughout the journey of each calling.I do not spare my feelings. I let them flow effortlessly. I sing through tears and I cry in laughter. Never doubting the sincerity of my feelings. I act from purity of consciousness. Denying any energy that requires me to act from a place of ill will because I don’t doubt the fierce desire for peace inside others, and in myself.

I am the Queen of Cups

Therefore I receive pentacles. When my time comes to accept the earthly gifts I have been rewarded I know it is my duty to do so without shame or pride. I have been back stabbed many times before and know that with earthly possessions come great Powers. Powers that invade. But with humility and rigorous discipline these powers shall not penetrate the shell surrounding the soul of this vessel. Because the shell is protected by its own strength of conscience. Assured that everything that has been attained has been properly and rightly deserved. No feelings of self pity for being undeserving of such virtuous gifts will block the blessings that want to swing my way as an act of pure cause and effect. Only acceptance is acceptable because I have created my reality like a magician carrying a wand.

I am a the Queen of Pentacles. 

I’ve waited with hope. I’ve watched with patience. I’ve slept with dreams and purposefully sought out lessons. To teach. I employ will and my Fortitude, Sovereignty, and Gracefulness Guarantee my success. I manifest. I create. I dance. I spell. And I sell Hope. 

I am the Queen of Wands. 

Stevie Ray said it best when he got stranded

With nobody there to truly understand it

Looking down into an abyss I fall on my knees 

Where I find Robert Johnson and his frown tells me

We're alone in the desert and the choice is free

He welcomes me to the center of the Bridge of In Between

A wholesome look into the treasure of what can be

I am but a pebble, a lowly dust of sand

Stevie and Bobby both smile with their eyes as they take me by the hand

I'm standing at the Crossroads baby

Rising sun going down

I'll be here at the Crossroads

Rising sun going down

The rainbow bridge is opening baby

My time to go is now

I can't stand looking back So on with the show

I've healed my past Now it's time to grow

Crossroads blues, baby, I remember what I know

I float within a realm of fortitude  and resourcefulness

My gloating is an air of certainty that my chosen destiny awaits me

My concentration is a necessary you might see as evil because I will sometimes cause you to not exist

The ants inside my pants

My twiddling of the thumbs 

The persistent need for more than what is termed reality goes beyond me

It penetrates me deeply until I can no longer stand to understand my purpose and l long to fill this gap between my floating and gloating that I cant take anymore

So I must sit

Sit in silence and make sure something real exists

 And then I see what sits in me is pure divinity

A connection to something beyond 

That is I and I am in it. I find It and I accept my Magic. 

I don't need the thoughts that want to seep in

I don't need the people that make me dim I just need the light

Right now

And then maybe I can make a difference in this day, be A smile on someone's face and live to appreciate another day 

Because I chose this lesson And this life is a blessing

I thank heaven, for the place I go to inside of me 

That I call Home.

As I listen to this song I feel so much more in love with the idea that unconditional and eternal love is possible because pure intention is a beautiful thing. Some may call me naïve. Sometimes I ask my own self, "Are you blind?" The answer to that question is a firm yes. Because love is blind. And if love wasn't blind we'd never take risks for it. 

My goal is to believe love is possible but I don't need to fall for it. I can stand tall in it. I can have all of my wild instincts intact and not become prey to other's intentions. I can let my intuitions guide me and accept other people's behavior as the answer to my questions about them. And then I can accept those gifts of clarity when I see the truth about the situation and make steps to change the predictable future. Clarity is such an important gift. When things are crystal clear and I make the decision to right some of my wrongs I can re-write some old songs. Even give them new meaning.